The Four Walls of Life
By Mandy Benedict, Conscious Transformation Certified Trainer
Six and a half years ago, I was telling a great story to myself. I practiced this story so much that I convinced myself that I should sell everything I owned and head to South America with my yoga mat for a few years. It seemed obvious that this would allow me to discover what was missing from my life. This feeling of lack left me unfulfilled and I thought that changing my environment, and climbing out of my perceived walls, I would find fulfillment. I tried traveling all over the world, building bigger houses, getting married, spending endless hours in my career but nothing seemed to touch my core and lead me to a life of fulfillment. I wanted to try to change things outside myself rather than look at how I was feeling inside. Thankfully, before I gave up everything to escape to South America, I began the internal development practices with Conscious Transformation.
When it came to my professional life, I appeared very successful and there were many elements that I enjoyed about my work and my business. My internal patterns, however, had me constantly feeling overwhelmed, obligated, stressed and inadequate. Through the Conscious Transformation program, I began very specific meditation practices that engaged mental and emotional training tools and conscious practices to shift those internal patterns. I never left my career, however, my current experience is one of boundless opportunities, passion, freedom, connection and fulfillment. I work within the same four walls, yet have an extraordinarily different experience of my professional life.
In regards to my physical body, from the time I was thirteen I did not like the way my body looked, especially in a bathing suit! My mind was constantly focused on all the things I did not think were good enough. My experience was one of self-judgment, unworthiness, embarrassment and shame. I was always trying to seek approval to know I was ok. As I began working with my emotional patterns, my relationship with my body changed. I now enjoy this extraordinary body and marvel at what we, as humans, can do physically. I feel appreciative, free, joyful, empowered and excited about the adventure of life! With this as the internal experience, I have an abundance of energy and passion to enjoy life in a new way!
Riding motorcycles was something I used to be comfortable doing only as a passenger. I had been on wonderful trips on the back of a motorcycle, starting at age seven when our neighbor’s dad would take us all for a tour into the mountains. It was so exciting and freeing to be on a bike. A couple of years ago, my boyfriend was purchasing a motorcycle for himself and encouraged me to try riding my own. I had been riding mountain bikes and snowmobiles for years, so I was comfortable the first time I tried. After taking a weekend safety riding course I decided to buy my own bike. We toured the mountains together but I knew I had a lot of skill to build before I was truly accomplished. The people we bought our bikes from encouraged a track day to build skill. When I registered for a day on the racetrack, I was so nervous it could even be identified as terror. I began to use the same consciousness practices to work on what I chose to create. By the time the track day came along, I was free, excited, expansive, courageous and filled with joy. I can say that I cultivated these emotional states inside of me to support what I chose to do. The track day became an amazing adventure, shifting from terror to freedom. Feeling great joy in my experiences allowed me to improve my skills so I am safer on the road.
There are countless examples in my life where I thought I needed to change the external experience instead of doing my internal training. The Conscious Transformation practices have shown me that the “four walls” I perceived are inside. By training my own internal patterns, I have created a new life even within the same external situations.
Everyone with the proper training can create the experience of life they choose. I look forward to all the wonderful creations to come!
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